Mark and I had an argument last night, the first in a long time.
I started it. (I always do, it seems). Of course, I accused him of starting it, and that's when it escalated. What it all came down to though, when we sat down to discuss things rationally, was that we are both really afraid.
For me, the babies are here, they are real, I can feel them moving inside me, I can see my body changing. They aren't a coming attraction that's four months away, they are my living children. They are a presence in my life as real to me (in some ways, more real) as any other person. Naturally, my life is changing as a result of this presence--my eating choices, my clothing choices, and the big one, the choices of what to spend money on when.
For Mark they are still an abstraction--an obsession of mine that he doesn't understand or relate to. He sees them as part of the future, not part of the present. For this reason, he doesn't change his current behavior and habits because it doesn't matter yet.
But it matters to me, and I think while he doesn't understand why now, he understands that it does. I just have to hope he'll understand why eventually. I feel drained and worked up all at the same time. I hate arguing with him.
Love is easy, why can't marriage be easy too?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I can strongly relate to both perspectives. I remember thinking that nothing could prepare us for having a little baby in the house. Yet, when each one came along we were miraculously prepared, somehow. There's something crucial in that nine-month wait.
I'd like to link to your blog if you don't consider it too private.
Be my guest, Rob, I certainly don't mind.
It's nice to hear a perspective on pregnancy from a father too!
Post a Comment