30

I was driving down the road last night, headed back from the grocery store, and thinking about the state of my life. I'm going to be thirty in just under 8 months. I have a house and a bunch of cars and a husband and all my friends are married (except for Ana who just got engaged last week) and most of us are trying to have kids, and several have kids already.

And I realized, all my "problems" and dramas are so adult, so pedestrian, so boring.

I mean for god's sake, infertility Aimee??? Where the fuck are your rock star credentials? Turn in your cool card right now lady. Yeah, so what if you run marathons--running marathons is not cool, it's geeky in an "I love pain" kind of way. Nope, a ten year old tattoo is not going to earn you any leeway on this. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, get your ass to midlife purgatory and start figuring out how you can be any more like your parents. Maybe take up knitting.

30. For fuck's sake. When did you get the idea that it would be okay to grow up? When did you stop playing around and get serious? When did you start worrying about your liver, of all things? (and don't pretend you're not, I'm inside your head, I know these things).

30. You don't even read cosmo anymore. Now you just read Elle Decor and Shape and Runner's World. (geek)

30. You have more recipes than your mother.

30. You actually choose wine based on taste, not because it has a cool bottle.

30. Fucking geezer.