I might truly be infertile. And that modern medicine won't fix me.
Today is a bad day. I didn't sleep last night, I'm tired, I have to go to work, and I have to pretend that I'm not worried about the fact that its CD12 and I don't have good mucus or very much in the way of LH in my system. It certainly doesn't LOOK like I'm about to ovulate, though the doctor said I should ovulate about a week after my last clomid dose.
There is such a stigma on infertility. I've been asked several times in the last few days whether I have any children, and there is no way for me to answer that question without hurting. I pretend that I am childless by choice, otherwise I will have confessed to my new employers that I am trying to get pregnant. Not only is this pretense utterly foreign to me--I am not easily given to deceit, but it is required in order to protect myself from the "infertility" stigma. This society-imposed silence means that the only people I can really discuss this with are either other infertile women (who are often more despondent than I) or the few friends in whom I have confided about my fertility issues.
Its frustrating, this.
And I'm hoping my moodiness is just a sign that ovulation is around the corner.
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2 comments:
I have never understood the need people feel to understand such personal aspects of others' lives. Why do they feel it's their business?
I don't know kate. I don't know. It really isn't any of their business, but I think people see a woman who has been married for 3 years and doesn't have any children, and they get curious. Before I was trying to get pregnant, I didn't mind questions. Now I do. Go figure.
How are you doing?
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